Made to Please

In Thailand, nannies and maids are pretty common in affluent Thai and western homes. It’s really not surprising when you think about it.

Household help make about $250 to $350 a month plus room and board. They typically work six days a week, often twelve hour days, with a handful of paid holidays over the years. In some western households, they have to pay “overtime” for work after 7:00 p.m., but that is not the case in Thai households.

We are largely pleased with our nanny, Cat, and our maid, Jipp. In some households, those two roles are very distinct. The nanny only takes care of the kids, and the maid cooks and cleans the house. Cat and Jipp get along very well, and they help each other out. They both get along with the children very well. Language is a bit of a barrier, as their English is pretty limited, and my Thai is even less impressive. Sometimes we need to call Tim to interpret for us.

One challenge though, is that nannies here don’t say no to kids. They generally give the kids whatever they want, and let them do whatever they want and wouldn’t think of disciplining them. . Cat and Jipp would give the kids candy and popsicles all day long if the kids asked for them.

This is not isolated to our family. There was this annoying little four year old playing out in front of our house. Her nanny tried for thirty minutes to take the brat inside. She would take the child by the hand, and start to lead her back home, The child would pull away, run back over to where she was playing, and the nanny would just stand there. After five or ten minutes, she would try again. Eventually she finally managed to get the kid to acquiesce.

Tim and I were discussing this, and she explained that from the Thai perspective, the kid is the nanny’s boss. A big part of the nanny’s job is to please the child. I can certainly understand the nanny’s perspective. If the child complains about the nanny to the parents, the nanny could lose her job. I also think that Thai parents are very indulgent with their children, and expect the nannies to do the same.

During her youth, Tim and her brothers each had their own nanny. She told me that when the kids would fight with each other, that the nannies would fight with each other as well. Each nanny would take up the side of their child. I think the nanny confrontations were more verbal then physical.

The one time that nannies will “stand up” to the kids is when the parents give specific direction to the nanny. If I say “no candy without asking me first”, they won’t give them to the kids, at least right then. Its not like they will intentionally defy me when I walk out of the room, but they will often forget, or with the language issue, interpret what I said as “no candy right now”.

Even though our maids would indulge the children, I think we can avoid spoiling them. First, I’m here at the house most all the time the kids are home. I am not going to let them chain eat cookies all afternoon long. The kids are not going to defiantly refuse to take a bath while I’m home. Secondly, I don’t think the kids yet fully realize that the nannies are made to please. Don’t get me wrong, I know they are figuring it out, but they are not pushing it to the limits yet. Thirdly, I think that if I specifically and frequently tell the nannies what I expect, I can blunt some of the spoiling. Well, that is my hope anyway.