How Did You Learn to Speak Thai?

Sometimes when I'm outside of Nichada, I end up in a non-trivial conversation with a native Thai speaker when my wife is not present. The conversation is usually a mix of English and Thai. Invariably the Thai asks me where I learned to speak Thai, and I usually answer that my wife is Thai. What usually follows is somewhat interesting.

A good example of this occurred last week. I was getting a massage (a real one, not one of the erotic flavor) last week and the masseuse was making small talk. She asked me where I learned Thai, and I explained that my wife was Thai. She then asked where my wife was from. "Is she from Isarn, Chang Mai, Phucket, Pattaya?"

I usually just answer Bangkok, which is close enough to true as not to matter. It occurred to me this time, however, that she probably assumed that I had met my wife through the sex industry. Her suggesting Isarn, a very poor part of Thailand where a lot of the bargirls (i.e., sex workers) come from, gave it away. While its certainly not impossible, its probably nto very likely that a guy from America is going to run into a lot of girls from Isarn unless he is visiting the massage parlors (the kind that give the erotic massages) or the sex bars.

I explained that my wife had studied in the U.S and that we met in school. It was funny, her face changed as she nodded her head. She wasn't expecting that.

Of course when we are together it is pretty obvious that we didn't' meet that way for a few reasons. One is the way my wife looks, dresses and behaves. Another is that we are very close in age. If Tim looked ten or fifteen years younger than I, then perhaps people would wonder.

In Nichada, there are a number of falang/Thai couples, and my guess is that most met in the more traditional way. Tim's cousin Pam met an American in college, fell in love and got married.
I can't get too mad at the lady for thinking what she did, after all my wife wasn't with me. When I see an older or unattractive man with a young and pretty Thai woman on his arm, my first thought is hooker and john. While I might be wrong, my guess is that I'm usually not.

Throughout Thailand, I have the feeling that there are quite a few falang/Thai relationships that started out in the sex industry. Bookstores carrying English language inventory have a number of books about falangs falling in love with Thai bar girls. There is one title I remember called "Thai Fever", with a picture of a bargirl on the front, and the back cover promising to tell you all you need to know to help your relationship. I read an interesting novel (Private Dancer) about a falang who fell madly in love with a bargirl and their complicated relationship.

For every relationship of that type that works, I have to imagine that there are many more that fail. Not only are you looking at two completely different cultures, two different socio-economic dynamics, but also very different expectations. The girl is usually looking for money, and may already have a Thai husband or boyfriend. The guy is looking for romance in the Western sense. I read something in a book that said regarding a Thai bargirl girlfriend, "you never lose your girlfriend, sometimes you just lose your place in the queue."