So you say you love your spouse, eh? Would you die for him or her. That's exactly what one woman from Bangkok had in mind when she visited a temple in a nearby province. Of course her death was a temporary sort that was part of a purifying ritual that claims to rid participants of bad karma and luck.
The ceremony involves the participants laying in an open coffin where they experience a "spiritual death". The temple's monks pray and perform some a ritual that expels the bad karma and causes the person's rebirth. Hundreds of Thais flock to the temple each day to improve their luck. The lady mentioned above was seeking luck in love in the form of a visa to visit her falang boyfriend in the Netherlands. Others hope the ritual will improve their health or financial situation. There are even numbers around the coffins that can be used to play the lottery. The entire ritual costs less than six dollars per person.
I found this story fascinating because it intersects the superstitious nature of Thai society and the desire of some Thai women to have a falang husband, boyfriend or walking ATM.
How are Thais superstitious you ask? A lot of Thais believe in and consult with fortune tellers and fung shei gurus. These fortune tellers can influence business decisions. Each day of the week has a lucky color that dictates the choice of shirts for many Thais. Religious amulets were quite the craze over the last few years here in the Kingdom. These amulets were supposed to bring luck and protection. I remember at least one story of soldiers and policemen who wore them and believed that they would help protect them from bullets.
Its certainly true that not all Thai women want to marry a falang man. In fact, even among those who do seek out a foreign boyfriend, its not because most find Thai men unappealing or a beer gut on a Western man enticing. The bulge in the back of the falang's pants, and not the front, is what attracts some Thai women.
It actually makes a lot of sense when you think about it. There are certainly women in America and Europe who seek wealthy men. The reason that some women wanted a doctor or lawyer as a husband most likely was not because of pillow talk about the latest outbreak of strep throat or the finer points of the rule of perpetuity's. They do it because doctors tend to be fairly well off financially. And I know that not all women who marry doctors do so for the money. I'm talking about those who seek out a doctor, not find someone who happens to be a doctor.
Its not so different here. The Thai girls who are seeking a foreign boyfriend or husband are usually doing so for financial reasons. The difference is that here you don't have to be a doctor or high roller to be "attractive" financially. An average middle class American or European is quite wealthy when compared to a lot of the Thai women that they might meet while vacationing here. In fact, many of the women that a foreign tourist may meet are from some of the poorest areas of Thailand. And I'm not just talking about those women who work in the sex industry. Women in jobs such as waitresses, clerks and hotel work do not make a lot of money. Prospects back at the family farm are even bleaker, as they would face physically exhausting labor with even less chance of pulling themselves out of poverty.
For some of these women, a foreign husband is an attractive option. Sure he might be a little older and fatter than she'd like, but her life, and the life of any children that they have, will be much more comfortable than if she married a man from her village. Materially her life will undoubtedly be better.
To some foreign guys, the idea of a Thai wife is very attractive. Let's face it, back in the states, young, slim and beautiful young ladies aren't falling over each other to sleep with (or marry) a forty-something year old accountant pulling in 45 grand a year. Add in the fact that Thai people are generally good natured and that Thai women are less independent than their American or European counterparts, and many a falang might think himself in heaven.
Of course, what seems to be too good to be true often is exactly that. Not every Thai woman who seeks out a foreign boyfriend is sincere. This is particularly true with those working in the sex industry. The name of the game there is to get as much money out of the john as you can. Some girls will have many foreign boyfriends, each of whom she "loves", all of whom send money each month, and none of whom know about the others. The girl (or someone with better English skills that she hires to type) sends emails full of tear jerking tales designed to get more money out of the guy. Some view the johns as walking, talking and f'ing ATMs.
Don't get me wrong, its not all the girls fault if you fall in love with a bargirl. Guys really should know better. Its not hard to find tales of guys who come over here, fall in love, and end up throwing a lot of money at a girl who is scamming them. Hell, some guys have even sunk most of their life savings to buy a house here. The catch is that it has to be in the wife's name because foreigners generally can't own property. Oh, the other catch is that she is already married to a Thai man from her village. Oh, the final catch, get the hell out of her new house.
Even when both people really do want an honest relationship, its going to be a struggle. Its not only the cultural chasm that you face, but also the socio-economic differences. What do you have in common with each other? Money can become an issue. The guy wants the girl to love him because of the money, and may withhold money to verify that she "really" loves him. To the girl, giving money represents his love in that it shows his willingness to take care of her and her family. The fact that there might be a fifteen or even twenty year age gap between the two does not make a successful relationship any easier.
I'll have more to say on this issue and the whole sex trade sometime later. I find it a pretty fascinating issue.
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